A collection of dark thoughts about cleverness, stupidity, loneliness and other ehhh … stuff. Foggy outputs of a brainless brain.
When I die
Good to know that when I die, everybody’s IQ will go up.
Bad Memory
I forgot who told me that fish is good for your memory. Probably a doctor, who sells fish.
I believe
I believe that we all want freedom of religion so that we can believe what we want and then tell others what to believe.
Perfect World
Wouldn’t it be great to live in a perfect world? Things could only get worse.
Reincarnation
Too much coffee is bad for my health. I don’t know if it will kill me, but if it does I hope to come back as a coffee pot.
Mirror
Einstein knew it. Picasso knew it too. If you put a mirror far enough away you can see your own profile.
Extinction
Dinosaurs went extinct, and the mammoth is gone too, and where is the Dodo? Who misses the Dodo?
Cave bears are extinct, and aurochs, quaggas, giant deers, Elvis Presley. Do we really miss them?
Let’s kill off the whales, tigers, butterflies and elephants. Nobody will miss them, when we are extinct.
Ocean
The world should be perfect, perfectly round.
No land, just one big ocean.
No place for us, just fish.
Your glass
You can drink from your glass many times, but you can break it only once.
Something wrong
There’s something seriously wrong with this world, apart from me.
Believe me
People always believe me, when I say “I’m stupid”.
Don’t wanna
I don’t wanna be right …
I don’t wanna be wrong …
I don’t wanna be left …
… alone.
Peace
I am a pacifist. If looks could kill, I wouldn’t look.
Gods and Angels
Somebody asked me the difference between Gods and Angels.
Angels have wings, even if they don’t exist.
Bad People
The world has two types of people. Most people are bad people, the rest are very bad people.
Lost Contact
We live in an age of communication. Probably that’s the reason why I lost contact with almost all of my friends.
Not Stupid
Most people are so stupid that they don’t know that they know nothing. I am not THAT stupid, I know it!
Lonely
I’m alone, I’m lonely, but I’m alive.
Language
Music is the universal language. Everybody understands music. It’s a pity that so few people speak music.
Loneliness
Loneliness wouldn’t be so bad, if you could share it with somebody.
Nothing
There is nothing after death. That’s why I will try to stay here a bit longer.
Things
Things can always get worse, but things can always get better !!!
The Brain
I’m not a brainless boy. I’m a brainless old man.
Higher or deeper?
Life has its ups and downs, like mountains and valleys. Is the mountain higher than the valley is deep?
George Orwell?
All religions are equal, but some religions are more equal than others, and for most people, their own religion is the only equal one. Equally stupid perhaps?
Ask first
You are a smoker. You need a cigarette. Don’t ask me “Do you smoke?”. Ask me “Do you mind if I smoke?”. Yes I do.
Always right
I am always right … ALWAYS … except when my wife disagrees with me.
Nobody but me
If I were alone in this world, I would probably feel less lonely.
Sublimation
Just found out what “sublimation” means. It happens to my brain all the time.
Forget
Many people take training to improve their memory. Wouldn’t we be better off with training that helps us to forget?
Making Movies
Ha, they are now making movies without smoking. Shouldn’t they start making movies without guns? Or even better, without people!
Synergy
Synergy is defined as “The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects”. So, if two people together are more stupid than the sum of their individual stupidities, this can be called synergy?
Trees
Trees versus people … trees are harmless.
Friends
Divorce wouldn’t be so bad if you wouldn’t loose half of your friends in the process, or 85 percent.
Real problem
We have only one real problem, which happens to be a solution to all our problems … Mortality.
Health
Your health is your most valuable possession. But would you rather be healthy without any friend/partner/wife/husband/son/daughter … or sick with somebody who cares for you?
Try to explain
There is no need to tell clever people how clever they are, and it is impossible to explain to stupid people how stupid they are.
Crazy people
It’s easier to love crazy people than normal ones.
Wheel
When you are busy reinventing the wheel, don’t forget to reinvent the road.
No smoking
I decided to never smoke except during my cremation.
Intelligent
What’s the use of intelligent people, if they don’t think?
Die for it
Nothing is worth dying for, except perhaps “the right to die”.
Old enough
How old do I need to be to have enough experience to keep the people whom I love happy?
Gone
With ambition, idealism and optimism gone, what else is there to live for?
Upset
If you upset me, I will be upset.
Neutral
Experience taught me: you can either feel happy, or unhappy, or neutral. But I am not sure. Is it better to be half the time happy and half the time unhappy? Or all the time neutral?
Books and movies
We invented printing and filming. Now there are more books than I can ever read, more movies than I can ever see, and I am bored.
Say nothing
Silence is a powerful way of speaking. If you say nothing, you are saying a lot.
Godless
If God existed she would have outlawed religions. First commandment: Thou shalt not religiate.
My time
People tell me that "in their time, things were better". Not in my time. My time still has to come, and things will be worse.
Average
I would rather have an average weight or an average income, than an average intelligence.
Intolerance
As soon as you come in contact with an intolerant person you become infected. Intolerance is a contagious disease.
Age
Most people of my age are much older than me.
Good feeling
It may feel good to be considered “normal”, but luckily I am not.
Retakes
There are quite some mistakes I would like to make twice.
No tears
How many people will cry at my funeral? When it’s down to zero, then it’s time to die.
Socializing
Getting to know people is fun, until you know them.
Just try
Try living like an immortal, until you die.
Never enough
Yes I have money, but never enough. Yes I am happy, but never enough.
Time machine
We urgently need to invent time travel. It doesn’t need to be perfect.
Backwards is enough.
Grey matter
Actually, it takes only very few brain cells to be stupid.
Brilliant Brain Wave
War!!! The Americans call it “peace process”. The Russians call it “peace enforcement”.
Money money
Many people believe in capitalism. Probably because it’s easier to get rich than to get happy.
Dates
I love dates!!! Except the date when I die.
Craniometry
When a 28th century archeologist digs me up, how can she know that the space inside my skull has always been what it seems to be? Air!
Tolerance
I tolerate everything except intolerance. Ok, even that.
SQ test
We try to measure intelligence with an IQ test. But how to measure stupidity?
Try the SQ test
Driving
Everybody drives on the right side of the road. For half the world that’s the left side. On average we drive in the middle.
Compensation
How many trees do I have to plant to undo the damage caused by my 50+ years on this planet? Probably a small forest. (See Trofaco)
Remember me
Most people are forgotten when they are dead. Some when they are alive.
Better world
It would be great if all people were stupid. You could say anything, and it would make sense.
Talk talk
I don’t need much. I just need somebody to be silent to.
The truth
Most people lie when they deny that they lie.
Voila
France would be even nicer without the Fwench. They think they own it.
Meetings
For better efficiency I suggest that we hold our meetings with not more than 5 persons talking at the same time, and perhaps 2 or 3 on the mobile phone, but the total should not exceed 8, and the presenter should not be interrupted by more than 3 persons at the same moment.
IQ zero
I am having an out-of-memory experience … … …
Eureka
I finally located the middle of nowhere. It’s right here, in my head.
Sense
The term no-nonsense sounds like nonsense to me. It doesn’t make no-nonsense.
Consumer
We are all consumers, feeding on our environment as voracious caterpillars, but will we reincarnate as butterflies?
Expire date
I changed my mind. It had expired.
Career
A career which involves “something with movies” could be a comedy.
Happy?
If I were alone in this world I wouldn’t be much happier.
My right
Considering how right I always am, I must have been very wrong when I was younger.
Optimist
Old people are pessimists and young people are optimists because pessimists get old when they are 20 and optimists stay young all their life.
Bad sector
I have a bad sector in my hard disk. They told me it’s all between the ears.
Omniscient
My wife thinks I know everything. That’s true, but sometimes I forget things.
Beetle brain
I have the brain of a dung beetle. It’s full of shit.
Deaf by choice
It’s often difficult to really understand people. It’s easier to just ignore them.
Drunk talking
My wife says that when I’m drunk I talk too much. I think she listens too much.
Kids
Having children is great, is wonderful, is fantastic, … is worries, is worries, is worries.
Think first
If somebody tells you to “think before you act”, it’s probably too late.
Nothing
Is believing in nothing a religion? Only if you believe that everybody should believe in nothing.
Driving Statistics
I agree that my driving is below average, but all others drive worse.
Care for your Heart
Take care of your heart! Regular exercise is of extreme importance , at least 3 times per week! But who has time to exercise three times every week? It would help if weeks would be a few days longer. For example a metric week with 10 days.
Communication
Most problems in this world are human communication problems! Unfortunately, we live in an age of communication.
Social Behavior
In many species of animals that show “social behavior”, there are a lot of solitary males. How social is that?
Logic
The only “proof” that God exists seems to be that nobody can proof that It doesn’t exist. Like fairies.
Experience
The problem with life experience is that it can prevent you from experiencing life.
Growing up
Girls mature earlier than boys, at least 60 years earlier.
Homo sapiens
Homo sapiens is the scientific name for modern man. It is Latin, and translated it means “wise man”, “clever man”, “knowing man” or “thinking man”. We are not clever enough to give ourselves an appropriate name.
Miracle
It’s a miracle that brainless people can talk.
Clever
I don’t make the same mistake twice. I am too busy trying other mistakes first.
Life expectancy
With life expectancy growing, we expect more from life, but what we get is more repetitions.
A bit longer
Whenever I think a bit longer about something, I forget what I was thinking about.
Easy to remember
One of the few things I can easily remember is that I have a bad memory.
Intelligence
Intelligence is not the opposite of stupidity. You can be intelligent and stupid at the same time. Or just stupid on its own.
Chemistry
Falling in love is a chemical process, so don’t blame yourself.
Everybody
My personal generalization is that “Everybody generalizes!”.
Car
If I didn’t drink coffee I could have had two cars. If I didn’t have a car I could drink twice as much coffee.
Weight belt
When scuba diving I always need to carry some extra weight to compensate for the empty space in my head.
Synonym
Cash and Carry. Synonym for “husband”.
Proud
Proud to be Dutch, with our expertise in dikes and water management, but I can’t fix a leaking tap.
Sufficient
If everybody would be satisfied with “sufficient” we would all have “enough”.
Thick skin
To be a politician you need a thick skin, which then makes you insensitive to the opinions of those who elected you. We need politicians with a thinner skin.
Ageing
If wisdom comes with age, no need to worry about ageing.
Longer
My short-term memory is getting longer.
Surprise
I’am always surprised when people take me serious.
Popular language
If a politician speaks “the language of the people”, this should refer to the content of his/her speeches rather than the use of vulgar words.
Very unsatisfactory but good
When ranking something, you can use numbers. For the layman and other morons it is always nice if these numbers have a meaning; you want to be sure that everybody understands that 2 is better than 1. This is not rocket science. Or is it?
Life expectancy
Life expectancy is what you expect of life.
Doctors
Wouldn’t doctors do a better job if it was “no cure no pay”?
Saint Martin
If Saint Martin of Tours had given his cloak to the beggar without cutting it in two, would he have become twice as famous? or half as famous?
Wrong
My wife is only wrong when she agrees with me.
My opinions
All people who share my opinions, are right.
Belief
I believe that I believe in nothing.
Meaning of Life
The meaning of life is to be quoted when you are dead.
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